North Carolina Shelter Program Supports Survivor and Her Children

Through Two Crises

Sarah, a 40-year-old mother of two toddlers, endured five years of domestic violence before she escaped to Family Violence & Rape Crisis Services’ (FVRC) shelter, the Garden Place.  Her doctors at the University of North Carolina, who had seen her return to an abusive husband eight times, recommended the Chatham County refuge.

“I wanted to get away but every time I ran into some block – paperwork was turned down, I was not accepted to a program I was hoping for,” said Sarah. “Those were the times that I thought I couldn’t make it on my own.”

Sarah’s husband, Tom, controlled the family by forbidding the children’s participation in any daycare or pre-school.  Sarah was only allowed to stay home with the children.  Through the creation of an environment in which Sarah could not experience self-worth or accomplish anything outside of the house, Tom made her believe she was incapable of surviving without him.  He also attempted to control her access to health care.  Tom’s presence at her doctor’s appointments, to which she was only allowed to go when absolutely necessary, ensured that Sarah was unable to speak about the abuse to her physicians. 

Sarah moved to the Garden Place in March 2009, nervous and scared that something else would impede her from reaching safety.  Before the move, her children, who were being emotionally and verbally abused by their father, cried often and would not leave Sarah’s side.

“The Garden Place healed us physically from the beginning and then emotionally,” said Sarah. “My children’s behavior has totally changed.  They are no longer crying and scared.  I can go from room to room without them following me.”

Only a few months after she arrived at the Garden Place, Sarah faced another challenge; she was diagnosed with colon cancer, and for the ninth time, contemplated returning to her abuser.  Since her arrival at the Garden Place, however, she had started attending a women’s support group at the FVRC office.

“Fear hit me again.  I knew I would be in the hospital.  I thought I would have to go back because no one could watch or care for my children,” said Sarah. “But this time I knew who I was and that I was worthy.” 

The “family” Sarah had gained at her new home continued to support her through this unexpected obstacle.  Jean Kilpatrick, Director of the Garden Place, wouldn’t let lack of support in this crisis be the reason that Sarah returned to a violent husband.  Kilpatrick arranged child care and even transportation to treatment.  FVRC also worked to help Sarah cover prescription medication expenses that she could not afford.  Sarah believes the cancer would have been caught earlier if she had been allowed to see her doctors and be screened while she was living with her husband.  After a July 13 surgery, she is cancer-free.

“I’ve had my ‘why-me’ days, but it’s over and I’ve learned a lot,” she said.

Sarah’s battle with cancer put her education plans on hold, but she is now resuming classes to earn her high school degree. She hopes to work with victims of domestic violence and cancer patients, because, as she said, she’s survived both.

“The pieces of the puzzle are coming together,” she said. “FVRC has given me the strength to be who I was supposed to be on my own."